FUNBAGS. BAZOOMAS. HOOTERS. BOOBS.
I know that for many women, these supposed objects of desire are actually a huge source of bodily dissatisfaction. Too small, too big, wait is that one bigger than the other one? Why the hell is there a hair coming out of my nipple!?!!! You know the drill.
I came to terms with mine years ago. I'm a 32D, righty is a little smaller than lefty (I'm yet to decide on suitable name's for the old girls, suggestions welcome), and unless its bloody cold outside, or well.. you know... they tend to resemble a ski slope rather than the glorious Grapefruits you'd find on Emily Ratajkowski (AKA 'Blurred Lines' brunette... I KNOW RIGHT?!).
In making peace with my Chesticles I also had to go Dali Lama when it came to Lingerie. After multiple highly embarrassing fitting sessions, the occasional nip slip, skin piercing underwire fail and far to many painful experiences when running for buses, down stairs and away from slightly scary OAP shopping assistants (there was an indecent with an 'accidental' nipple brush that I just don't want to go into), I've learnt my limits.
I can't do balcony bras, my puppies fall right on out of those at the faintest hint of anything over a slow walk. I'm certain my nipples are located in a place different to that which the industry thinks they are, meaning anything on the skimpy side is a no go. Oh and lord forbid I opt for anything without a serious support system and some real shaping apparatus, unless the look I'm going for that day is a rather less perky version of the madonna conical shaped titty tamer.
So yeah. As unfortunate as it is, unless I was to spend hours in a fluorescent lit (and therefore totally unforgiving, and usually tear inducing) changing room trolling through racks and racks of beautiful, but almost always totally unsuitable chest-pillow cases, I'm stuck with my many times repurchased reliables from M & S and the occasional offering from Debenhams...
I found it ladies. I found THE ONE. THE BRA. THE ONE BRA TO RULE THEM ALL.
My own personal precious, and it's everything it shouldn't be!
The ASOS Boudoir Mesh Trim Underwired Bra. It's soft, its mesh, yes it is underwired but theres no real shaping going on and yet this baby's perfect. It fits me like no bon bon bouncer has before! It's comfortable, its stream lined under thin fabric tops or dresses, it manages to give a gorgeous rounded shape without being made of a stiff material, and it looks sexy. Not cute, or pretty, or functional, SEXY.
I love it. I have it three times over and I'm considering a further back up purchase. I never want to be without this wonderful garment.
Obviously I realise that it might not be the right sweater stuffer buffer for everyone, but hot damn it was for me and I thought it deserved a mention!
Have a go ladies, see how you get on, let me know, am I alone in my appreciation or are there more of you out there? Can we start some sort of club?
*Please note that these photographs are taken from the ASOS website. My humble mountains, be they capped or not won't be making an appearance any time soon.